Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Hi, back for some updates. Life is like living hell, full of nonsensical bullshit. I'm struggling my way, trying to think of all the positives if possible and finding all the answers to my questions. It's so not the first time I'm having the feeling of being ignored, words that came out from sudden conversations, not even once recognised or even considered. I almost flew up to the sky, my hopes were so high yet drastically, I fell. It was all a lie. I realised 'hopes' are meant for 3 year old young kid, I was just a plain lil loser. I just don't get it. Why are they giving me hopes? They ended up giving me nothing but pain, making me more disappointed than ever. I'm not moltivated to study. Why should I study and pissed myself off? Why am I working so hard? Just for you? Do i really need to show you the damn cert and make you feel proud? In the end, I gained nothing, nothing but just a piece stupid paperwork and saving myself from the embarassment for being the almost retained student. AND EVEN IF I PASSED OS WITH FLYING COLOR, I don't need a fcuking beautiful handphone because i don't give a damn. CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT I WANT? SO WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT FOR ME? WHY? why just can't you fulfil my only wish? Am i really asking for too much?


I'm really getting sick and tired from all your repeated and standardised words, it makes me feel so terrible. The only way out is to go the fastest and hardest way, I'll show you. I need to.............. because you just don't know the seriousness of the problem, you're not me. Why should you even make it like you so totally understand? Just end my misery, stop making things worse for me. Dont try to understand me anymore because you'll never.........forever. Sometimes, I wished I was dead. Maybe this way, they'll realised the pain within me. It hurts when someone so close blabber something so wrong. It really hurts. I really think i should die.



Seriously, being such a 'nice' person, smilling like as if you own the world, behaving in a way so undescribable. Just the mask one's wearing, hiding everything from reality, making sure it goes your way. Acting like somewhat 'a bitch' and that's so....................well.

...Consider it not so deeply.